feeling sad

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone No apologies needed. I have been cleaning the house as their is a rental house inspection in a couple of weeks. Lots of cleaning to be done. Enjoy the footy! and hope your son stays away from shopping for awhile 

[Shaz51]

I am proud of your son too @Dadcaringalone

how is the footy going ??

[Boo13]

Hi @Shaz51,@dadcaringalone,@greenpea,@time

A better week for us.  I hope you have had a great week.  Every week we breath it is a great week, because we are alive.  Even in adversity, we can find something to be grateful for.

today I managed to have some time out for myself.  Be peaceful, go for a walk in the sunshine and listen to music.  

[Shaz51]

Sounds like a good day @Boo13 xx 

[Time]

@Dadcaringalone Hi there I understand where you are coming from. My son is 43yrs old and has been like this for 14yrs now.  He started to get help and the help he has recieved has been intermittant.  He was diagnosed with drug induced schizopherna.  He is a smoker majurana, chronic use.  The entire family have tried and have given up on him.  Im the only one who is still standing there by him.  It certainly has taken its toll on me.

I truely get it when you say you apologise for him or his behaviour.  When your child has complete apathy you wonder why your still there and the answer is because you love your child you always will thats what I call a devoted parent.  Its hard to walk away I know at times you have to for your own sanity but we keep coming back for more.  My garden helps me and talking about it helps me.  Im just at the stage right now of trying to get the professionals to help more.  They say to me he has to get help he has to do the asking I understand this but if I wait for him to ask it will be never I feel and this is disturbing and to sad to contemplate so ill keep pushing gently until it sinks in that is all I can do as well as the support and the ideas of keeping him somewhat busy.

I hope things improve with your family keep telling them that it is the illness not the person !! 

[Dadcaringalone]

@Time

Thanks for your beautiful message. The complete apathy is what puts me over the limits. The whole family and all his friends are completely over him! His attitude now is I don’t give a shit! Where we live there are a lot of Chinese, who are pretty loud, so he makes it his mission to make more noise than them in public places! This is pretty infuriating, I am used to it now, but it really triggers my wife and this why I try to keep them both separate. Because its really difficult to manage two people going out of control at the same time, even though I am a very patient person.

The other thing that’s pretty tough on me is doing everything for him! Cooking, washing, cleaning, drying etc. I got absolutely exhausted after visiting him every day for the past few weeks in hospital then I thought it would improve when we got home. The pressure has continued and I asked him to please help me out with a bit of the washing to get the house livable and do you think that happened? No! He always has time to devote to his manic search for new products online, playing with new computer games or anything else enjoyable, but the basic things of running a house always fall back on me until I get burnt out. Sorry for the vent, but I’m sure you have had similar experiences @Time? It’s like a complete lack of empathy or consideration for others who are trying to support his disorder. My therapist friend who has a 45 year old son with schizophrenia says to me that it’s just better to do it yourself or leave it until you have enough energy rather than the emotional mood rollercoaster you get when you ask for help or a little break. 

Its really though when you are the only one left standing, sometimes I think how long will I keep being the only left standing? We all have our limits! I had a break today and went down to the beach to get some fish’n chips and when I got home he was waiting for some food from me! I was still tired so gave him some cash  to go and get something to eat from the local take away he likes...keep truck’n I say and try to also take care of yourself. I had a break with the finals football yesterday so I am just trying to break up things with little breaks when I am at my limit.

All the best for you to also stay strong 

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea

He’s trying his best to stay away from shopping, its lasts for a while, like yesterday he said I don’t need a new iPad while my laptop is still working but when I got home today he’d bought a new bag.  You are great cleaning the house, I did the same yesterday and Friday. My standards are different to my son’s. The footy was great and next weekend is grand final weekend so looking forward to that and spending time with my daughter and meeting her new boyfriend. Have a great week and I’m sure your house will pass inspection.

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone yes my sons idea on cleaning and being neat are very different mine lol. Oh well at least he kind of lets me tidy up around him 🙂

Hope you have a good week (although I am sure we will speak a bit during that time) and have a lovely time with your daughter and her boyfriend (how exciting and yet nerve wracking for you :o).

My ex husband loves shopping which is one of the reasons why he is my ex I couldn't cope with the amounts he would spend .... thousands on motorbikes etc all on credit. Drove me crazy at the end. I hope your son learns to deal with these impulses or at least stay away from big purchases like cars and motorbikes!!!!

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea He’s trying his best to manage his impulses! He luckily doesn’t have a credit card and has stayed away from big purchases to date. Hope it stays that way!

I like your comment of cleaning around him! That’s a classic! My son promised to do some dish washing but I just asked him again and honestly I don’t see that happening in this lifetime! The Thai’s have a really nice saying about this “next life in the afternoon”! That sums up my son’s attitude to being proactive and doing things. He also has a “man bun” but has a really annoying habit of leaving long hair everywhere throughout the apartment! It’s driving me absolutely crazy because there is human hair throughout the apartment like dog hair. He doesn’t care about this and it just keeps getting worse and there’s a huge buildup on the carpet every where.

Thanks for your kind words. Let you know how meeting the new boyfriend goes. Take care

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone Good morning Dadcaringalone funny about the 'man bun' I can sympathise my daughter who has Asbergers (don't think I have mentioned her?) has a habit of combing her hair in the shower and leaving long strands of it on the glass! Also son who also wants to grow his hair very long ( 'long' story so I won't go into it :)) leaves it looking messy and never clears out his brush (he is going bald ......

Luckily for us we mainly have floor boards. Have a great day 🙂 greenpea