Trouble in paradise

[J4807]

Hi guys and great to read your discussions. I'm 58, 4 grown wonderful children, married 30 years, my husband is having mental health issues, found some other woman to confide in, feels he needs to get head space away from everything on some days.  Well now after seeing pictures on his phone from her I'm devestated completely. Trying to find a psychologist to calm me down and help me navigate this depression and break down I'm having.  I am at a loss, he's still here and says there's nothing just a person to talk to, the pics just something she did, she wants a relationship and I reckon he does too but won't say it. I'm going insane I don't know who I am or what to do. Any help or suggestions. I know I should throw him out but he's my soul mate, I know I'm such a loser. Jenn

[Louise04]

Hi Jenny,
I'm sorry to read your current relationship has taken an unexpected turn. I'm 40 and had my fiance and life as I know it turned upside down over night due to his hidden struggles. I can relate to your fear and helplessness you may be feeling. You have options and seeing a professional is the best way to work through your emotions to make decisions for your future.
I would say his issues can only be something you can work through together if he wants to do That with you. It seems he is not willing. You may be in shock and not want to throw him out as you say, as this brings more issues.
My advice is seek help to come to terms with what is happening before making decisions. I would also say you matter, your feelings matter, your needs matter, you deserve to be respected and communicated with. Cheating is cheating even if it's not physical. If their relationship is causing you distress he needs to acknowledge this. Without honesty you both cannot support each other.
I wish you the best in finding someone to help you work through this tough times. Ask your husband to seek mental health support.
Louise