Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Thanks for the delivery of hugs today @Shaz51 and the beautiful flowers last week @outlander and @Faith-and-Hope. And as always ... thanks so much @Zoe7 for your kindness, insight and support.

Hello @Former-Member - I really appreciate you visiting, so thank you so much. I read your post to another thread yesterday where you said you felt like you were intruding when joining some threads. And also that people are nice to you just to be polite. I can completely assure you that you would never be intruding by visiting here. I love it when you visit. Its so nice to know you are listening, because I value your input and your time and personal experience. You and I have a bit in common. We both have the CPTSD, we both have close loved ones suffering life threatening illnesses. Difference of course is that your loved one is so young, mine (hubby and my parents) are much older. But I still understand the feelings involved, and the personal struggles we face because of that. Which as you said, is hard enough without the PTSD.

My week has been okay, and I have accomplished pretty much what I needed to do during the week. Got hubbys 2 medical appointments out of the way, and he has no more now until a few days after I get back. His mate is all lined up to keep a check on him each day and will also be inviting him for meals most days.

Personally I managed to get a haircut, which I mentioned on another thread, so you already know that. I still like it by the way, and its easy care which is how I like it. It seems to naturally fall into place where it needs to and goes into ringlets around the face where its been lightly layered and tapered.

I got Holly to the vet last week for her annual vaccinations and checkup. So thats another tick in the box. She was a little off colour for a day, but is fully recovered from her 'ordeal' now.

Only one more thing for me to do before I leave now, and thats my dentist appointment on Monday morning. Just a checkup and clean hopefully.

I saw my psych just over a week ago and she told me to expect hubby to use the guilt card as I prepare to head off and leave him alone for a week. That has certainly happened. But he seems to be in a bit better place the last 2 days. Perhaps the additional ADs he started last week are helping to keep him a bit calmer or something. He has also had some changes to his medications when we saw his GP on Thursday. He has increased the meds he's been on for the encephalitis. So I'm hoping that between the two changes, it will make things more bearable for both of us. Touch wood ... his mobility has not deteriorated and I feel fairly comfortable in leaving him on his own now. With the knowledge that his mate will check on him twice daily. And I will be phoning him at least a couple of times a day to check that he is okay with his medications and that he has remembered to feel Holly etc. I have his meds all done up in packaging for him, but he also has additional meds which are taken at odd times during the day for both his Parkinsons and his Encephalitis. So there are his standard pills twice a day, plus additional ones taken at different times through the day. It does get a little confusing.

At the end of the day I think I agree with my psych that I really do need to get away from here for a while. I still do not feel entirely safe ... you know? I'm always on edge and cant get that incident the other day out of my head. I know how easy it would be for something to happen, and I feel very vulnerable knowing that. I'm hoping that my 6 days away will give both of us a break. I know I need it, and probably he needs a break away from me equally as much. It may give him a small sense of independence with me being away as well. Which will also be good for him.

I havent started packing yet, although I did drag my suitcase out of the top of the cupboard today. Thats a start anyway. I still 2 days for final packing. I did a load of washing today because Monday is likely to be wet and therefore unable to get anything dry. I usually leave my suitcase in the spare bedroom and throw a few things at it as I think of things I might forget in the final rush. Then I just zip it up at the last minute. It will be all very warm winter clothes for where I'm going. So I will need to drag out all my packed up winter woolies and heavy coats for this trip.

I'm feeling good about going actually. As explained above, I need to get away. Even though I am going to be arriving into total disarray and difficult situations down there with my parents, its a far different type of stress to what I am dealing with here every day. I really need to try to implement some home help for mum and dad. And be there for when the help arrives, otherwise they will just send them away and say they are not needed. I am hopefully of getting meals started while there, and also some personal care to help with showers once a week and perhaps some cleaning once a week as well, which would include bed changes etc. I would be very happy if I can accomplish that much.

Anyway thanks so much for asking Mumi, and for everyone else's support. @Maggie @Starta @Peri @BlueBay @Sophia1 and anyone else I may have forgotten.

Sherry 💕💕

[Former-Member]

Thankyou for much for your kind words @Former-Member  I wasn't sure where to post, so I found this thread and hoped that you wouldn't mind me saying, "hello" here.  

Yes, we do have quite a bit in common.  

I had to get my laptop out, because my phone is charging in the other room and now the laptop needs charging.  But, I can do that in this room.

I do hope that your husband doesn't try and make you feel guilty about going on your trip, if he does, just ignore it,   You do need a break.  I hope that you don't take on too much with your mum and dad while you are away.  I remember you saying that they don't like to accept outside help.  

Mine is the same and she tries to put the "guilts" on me, but I am slowly learning not to let it get me down too much.

That is difficult though, as I have always thought that I would look after my mother when she ages, but I really am not able to cope with that.  I have enough worries with D.

It is very difficult seeing our parents age, I understand.

I had the hugest scare with D today and have had to take a prn to calm myself down.  She is ok now, but, oh my gosh!

Well, I sincerely hope that you will be able to do some nice relaxing things for yourself while you are away and I must say, that I am very proud of you for sticking to your decision.  Well done.  

[outlander]

@Former-Member thnking of you and D. i hope the scare has passed now. you poor buggers, i cant imagine how scary it would be for you and D too 💜

[outlander]

i hope you enjoy the much deserved time away @Former-Member
when do you leave and how long are you going for?

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member you’ve done so much before you leave - well done. 

I hope thst you don’t feel guilty about going away snd leaving hubby. You really need a break. Wish I could come with you!! 

Sorry I haven’t been around much. I hope you can enjoy your break from hubby and enjoy the time with your parents. 

Thinking of you ❤️❤️

[Former-Member]

Aww!  Thankyou for thinking of me @outlander 

It's a daily concern.  Some days are worse than others.  She is ok for now, thanks.

You are a sweet person, always thinking of others.

Big hugs to you. 

I was just thinking that your husband might actually enjoy some time alone, once you have actually left @Former-Member Change can be difficult, but can actually be a good thing. It is great that you have such supportive neighbours.  xo

[outlander]

i often think of you @Former-Member ❤
i dont understand fully what your going through in regards to what Ds diagnosis may be but i get the daily worries of caring for someone esp someone close to us.

[Former-Member]

Yes, I can tell you understand. 

@outlander 

This time I can’t hand the care over to anyone else, but years ago I could. It was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make, giving full care of someone very close to me to someone else. But I had a breakdown and couldn’t care for them anymore. 

The end result was. This person is now happy and has 24/7 care and the carers are able to “switch off” and go home after their shift. 

I am so grateful that this person has proper care. 

Unlike you, @Former-Member  and myself. We can’t go anywhere after a shift and “switch off”. 

The stress is constantly there. 

And  on top of it, we have CPTSD. 

Oh the joys!  Not. 

Time to distract, I guess. 

Must be cuppa time. ☕️🥰😍

[outlander]

definently hard @Former-Member at least we have our friends here