I can’t cope

[Snowie]

I can understand that there can be not much holding us here @Captain24.

It is hard to handle at times. 

People always say think of my family and how it would devastate them. I hate this phrase. I have enough guilt already before they are brought into the conversation.

Sometimes they aren't even enough.

Perhaps re doing your SP is needed. I know I've changed mine quite a few times, depending on what is working and what isn't. Maybe it is something you can talk to your supports about and spend some time fine tuning it.

I have my mum, mother in law and sister in laws family coming over for dinner. All these people around when I would rather just hide for the day. But need to put my big girl pants on and smile.

[Captain24]

I don’t even know what it is that is keeping me here @Snowie.

I desperately want leave. I see no point. 

It must be so hard with a family. At least for me, I know that no one will really care.  

I need to do something I guess. I need to find a better way though. 

Sounds like a busy day at your house. I don’t know how you do it… do you have to prepare everything or does hubby help? 

[Snowie]

We care @Captain24 💗💗I know it's not the same as in real life.

There are a lot of guilty feelings that come into it. Lots of shame too regarding my family.

Hubby will help. I just got a whole lot of meat to cook on the BBQ (that hubby will cook) and some premade salads and desserts. Trying to keep it as simple as possible.

I feel like I don't have a choice. I have to have mum and mil over. At least if I have them altogether than it will be done. I won't have to worry about seeing them separately. 

Sometimes that way through has so many speed humps and barriers in our way. Sometimes it feels like we are just avoiding things instead of dealing with the issues. 

We do what we can do to get through. You are doing the best you can hon, regardless of everything happening around you.

Please remember we are here to support you.

[Captain24]

I just had a friend ring @Snowie. It was so hard to have a conversation. She asked how I was doing and a said I was going well and changed the subject. I don’t need to hear from her how good life is, how there is challenges but you can get through, I don’t want to hear it all in the patronising way that people who don’t get it just think be positive and it’ll solve it. 

That sounds pretty easy. At least most of it is done. I get the company will be the hardest and trying to be ok. 

[Snowie]

If only to think 'happy thoughts' solve everything @Captain24. If only it was that easy.

Thats why I avoid a lot of social media platforms. People only post the good things, the things that make their lives look perfect.

Most of it is done. Yes the company will be the hardest to deal with.

[Captain24]

Isolation 

Avoidance. 

separation 

loneliness 

darkness

numbness

pain

[Snowie]

@Captain24 here if you need to chat

[Captain24]

I’m not going well @Snowie 

[Snowie]

I find nights more difficult @Captain24 

Do you too?

Is there anything you wanted to talk about?

[Captain24]

Lately I’m having trouble from the time I wake up @Snowie. It’s just exhausting to try and get through the day.