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11-09-2014 07:24 AM - edited 11-09-2014 07:29 AM
11-09-2014 07:24 AM - edited 11-09-2014 07:29 AM
Ours, but theirs
When she found it, she kept it to herself. As did I. Then she questioned me. I told her why. Then she flew into a fit of rage. Yelling and screaming at me in front of our children. Telling me it was all my fault. At that time, she hadn't told me what her illness was. I felt misunderstood. Having had to leave several times, she then goes into a state where it's my fault and I have no friends left. I am worried for our children, she treats them as blame now, saying they are a burden to her. Saying she wishes she never had them! But when I ask to have them in my care. She just says you are trying to take them away, and cut my money off from centrelink. I am in a rock and a hard place! I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to see our children hurt. Money problem, is because we were saving for our own home. But she encouraged me to spend it on a newer car. Now we have no savings, and a credit card debt up to the max. And I get the blame!
Should I seek help immediately?
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11-09-2014 06:10 PM
11-09-2014 06:10 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
Hi GivingMick,
This sounds like a very difficult situation you are in. It musy be very hard to have all the blame upon yourself, and carry this burden like you do. Yes, I really think you need to talk to someone about this situation. There are many carer organisations that could help you.
Here is a link to Arafmi Australia. They are an organisation that looks after the need of carers and I think they could help you. This is the national office, but they have offices in most states. You can contact them on their website here. I have also incuded here their page that lists other organisations that might be able to help.
Another organisation that could offer you some practical help might be Carers Australi, and you can contact them here.
I hope this information helps and please do keep in touch and let us all know how you are going.
Does anyone else have any ideas that could help GivingMick??
Hobbit.
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13-09-2014 07:46 PM
13-09-2014 07:46 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
Hi GivingMick,
Just wanted to check in & see how you're going.
From what I understand of your post, your partner is not well & you are trying to understand what she's experiencing - but she's mistaken your intention.
Adding to that stress is money and also looking after your children.
Is your partner seeking any professional help at the moment?
Welcome to the forums by the way, I hope you find them helpful.
NikNik
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13-09-2014 10:25 PM
13-09-2014 10:25 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
I have visited recently, and her household is in good order. It's like she is in a state of disassociation. I feel relieved, that she is keeping things together, but still worry slightly with fear she may have an unexpected break down.
She does all the housework now by herself, sells 2 different products via party plan, and drinks alcohol on a regular basis. Should I mention her illness type here? If I say anything about her having any difficulties, in front of any of our friends, she tells me to leave. I can't even give her a cuddle or a kiss. I miss my wife and children, and how we used to be before she stopped taking her meds!
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14-09-2014 09:15 PM
14-09-2014 09:15 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
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14-09-2014 09:26 PM
14-09-2014 09:26 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
I can hear your pain but would really like to suggest that whilst you may miss your wife, you need to let time pass..
It is certainly not OK to talk about her in front of her friends in any negative manner. She sounds life she is getting her life on track in her own way.
Let's look at the positives:
Earning her own a income
Keeping her home in good order for herself and your kids
I don't know many parents who don't enjoy a wine now and then.
How you might like to support her and your children is keeping your lines of communication open.
And maybe if you join a carers group like this forum, you can talk over with other carers about your fears and concerns..
You must be doing something right because she is letting you visit her at home..try and stay encouraging ..
It helps all of us, nothing improves our performance so much as genuine praise..
Good on you for sharing, be patient with yourself too, you are trying hard to understand, its all any of us can do, keep on trying...
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14-09-2014 09:50 PM
14-09-2014 09:50 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
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16-09-2014 09:08 PM
16-09-2014 09:08 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
Keep us updated on how things are travelling.
Take care!
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18-09-2014 07:19 PM
18-09-2014 07:19 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
Hi GivingMick,
I'm glad you were able to come onto this forum and connect with people here. It's great that you feel a bit more relieved by talking to us.
Please keep in touch and send a post anytime you feel like chatting.
Hobbit.
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25-09-2014 08:00 PM
25-09-2014 08:00 PM
Re: Ours, but theirs
Hi GivingMick,
Just a quick note to see how things are with you guys?
Hobbit.