Lived Experience Forum

[NikNik]

Conflict away from work is hard enough, but in the workplace there’s an extra pressure that makes it even more difficult … you can’t get away from it!

You need to be able to work together; after all you’re both employed in the same workplace and like it or not you’ll be spending a lot of time together! Realistically, you know it’s best to try to tackle the situation before it gets out of hand …or worse spreads to other areas of your working life.

But what should you do?

Do you try to ignore it? Do you seek advice from a co-worker? Escalate it to management? Maybe you ponder it and ask is there a way to get to the root of the problem? Is it your personalities clashing? Or does your colleague (or you!) have a pattern of behaviour that makes it difficult for others in a workplace situation?

Conflict in the workplace is an important topic because unlike our domestic issues, we can’t walk away – for too long anyway. On Friday’s Career Chat we’ll be delving into the area of handling conflict with a colleague. We would love to hear manageable, workable ways to deal with conflict through your lived experiences.

I hope you’ll join us from 10 AEST this Friday.

Two things you can do now:

1) Hit 'Like' below to recieve an email reminder the day of the session

2) Can't make it? Leave your question below to be answered during the session

[Appleblossom]

I am interested in topic ..

as I have posted a bit about this issue

.. even though it actually does not effect my workplace ... I come from a family where walking away from domestic issues was less approved of than walking away from a job .. there is nothing in concrete when it comes to human relations.

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik

I am interested but can't be here as I will be at work.

I struggle a lot with conflict because of my BPD.  I hate confrontations, arguing, even sometimes just giving my opinion to something.

I did have a problem at work a while ago with a much younger staff member. I just could not bring myself to talk to this person about the issue; so I stewed over it for days, got myself so worked up and depressed that I didn't even want to go to work.

At the moment I have issues with more pressure put on me at work with no extra pay. And i wasn't even asked if I would like the job, no just put it all on me.  Now I don't know how to talk to my supervisor about this because it's a confrontation and it will make me look like I am not good enough to do the job.

Any tips would be great 🙂

[Renstar]

Good morning everyone!

Thanks to @Appleblossom and @BlueBay for your comments yesterday – it sounds like you’ve had your own experiences with conflict at work, and working your way through the complex feelings around those awkward situations.

You’re right @Appleblossom, humans are complex, which makes deciding the right thing to do at work when there’s conflict even harder. Thanks for your input! 

And for you @BlueBay, when the conflict is with a supervisor, it makes things even more complicated doesn’t it?  Is it possible to speak to your supervisor about the extra-work-but-no-extra-pay situation in a way that makes it clear that you are capable of handling the extra load, you are not querying it because you can’t handle it, but are just clarifying whether it is a long term change, or just a one-off? Can you check your position description (PD) to see if that covers the extra work? Just a couple of ideas there.

Does anyone else have any ideas for @BlueBay? How can she approach this difficult conversation and potential conflict with her supervisor in a way that empowers her and also makes for a positive interaction? We've heard from @sadgirl that a previous situation similar to this made her depressed and not wanting to come to work - any ideas on how she could approach this one and avoid those kinds of negative feelings?

[Kurra]

Can't post now but will comment later.
Great topic!

[Renstar]

Thanks @Kurra, look forward to hearing your contributions! 

[Renstar]

I once had a troubling conflict at work with a colleague, who was also a very close friend outside of work.  We both felt very differently (and strongly) about a work issue that had arisen.  Essentially some work that was previously assigned as my job, had become part of her job, and she felt this wasn't fair because of the extra workload it put on her Department.

I handled this conflict by talking with her and listening to her, and when explaining my side, I always ensured that I focused on the issue itself, avoiding raising any personal feelings that I may have had.  I find if you refer everything back to the project objectives or business needs, these conversations can be a lot easier.

However, how you handle the conflict will depend on what kind of issue has arisen.  Sometimes the conflict may be based on a difference in personalities.  Have you ever asked to sit down with a colleague to help resolve a conflict?  What did you raise?  Were you able to resolve the issue?  What do you recommend to everyone else?

[BlueBay]

Hi &renstar
Don't want to be at work.
My BPD and depression sucks
I'm taken advantage people don't care all they think of is how much money the store makes not welfare of employees
Hate this everything sucks big time.

[BlueBay]

Can't handle conflict. Hate even saying anything anymore. Friend at work doesn't understand me. She always says I'm too sensitive and to stop taking things to heart - well that's me.
But I hate me. I'm over it.

[NikNik]

Hi @Renstar

Related to @BlueBay 's point, it can be hard not to get emotional when raising a concern with a colleague. 

I, like you Renstar, try and think of it as 'it's business, it's not personal' and make everything about the facts, rather than using emotive language. 

It's normal to get nervous and anxious before having these difficult conversations - Renstar, do you have any tips or recommendations on how we can prepare for these conversations to help reduce the potential of us getting emotional?