Lived Experience Forum

[Patches59]

@scruffypuffball @tyme @Glisten  I recently read that large percentage of adult survivors of childhood abuse display narcissistic or empathic traits.  Those who don’t let the past control them display empathic traits, are caring and don’t want anyone else to go through what they went through.  On the reverse side, those with narcissistic traits burn with rage, wanting to punish the world and people in their life for events in their past but are very cunning regarding who sees that side of them.

When I think of one specific person I find this to be true.  I have only recently found and spoke to one other person who has shared me with they are well aware of the “true side” of this specific woman and “know what she is capable of doing and saying”

@scruffypuffball  I will try to read through those resources during the coming days

[Glisten]

@Patches59  what you have stated is very broad and generalised. Childhood trauma is not necessarily childhood abuse.

Only children can display narcissistic tendencies and not be narcissists.

Most individuals learn empathy by observing people interacting.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a neurological condition and requires a professional diagnosis.

Research has shown that those with narcissistic personality disorder show structural and biological differences within their brains.

All I know is I can’t control what someone else does.

If I keep doing the same thing I have always done, then I will get the same result.

Change beings with me.

[scruffypuffball]

@Patches59 

@Glisten is right, if you look at psychopaths, their brains are wired differently.  Trauma does not cause PD.  Have a read of Myth#2 in the article below:

Can Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths Change? Why You Shouldn't Count On It (psychcentral.com)

Narcs are born with a certain temperament; they were unable to be soothed as infants.  Some is genetic and some is how they were raised:

Research also suggests that those with narcissistic traits grow up in households where they are overvalued, spoiled, and raised with an excessive sense of entitlement (Brummelman, et al., 2015). These narcissistic traits in childhood can later become full-fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in adulthood."

I remember reading an article by Shahida Arabi arguing most abusers dont have a history of trauma, there is no correlation.  She has done a lot of good work debunking these myths.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  how long has it been since you went no contact with your narcissist?

[scruffypuffball]

@Glisten hi love, sorry i was so busy with work lately.  I wanted to share with you this video,  since you mentioned you were dealing with your abuser thru his lawyer.  Sending you blessings.  This is information only, not advice:

How To Properly Negotiate with Narcissists Feat Dr Ramani (youtube.com)

i have been very low contact to no contact for 28 years with the abuser.  And extended family narcs for 25 years (very low to no contact as well).  dad never reconciled and took it to his grave at 98.  My cousin did "reach out" to me at mum's funeral and invited me back, but I know it is for the purpose of me being a punching bag.  She said it through gritted teeth when I went all poker face on her.  They are so full of rage, like all the time. But that is to be expected.  I hope you are doing ok.