Introduction

[Ybother]

@HenryX 

I think that's everyone's wishes, that actually care.

I certainly know that I'm sick of feeling like crap.

every thing that people are doing to try to make me feel better, actually seams to exacerbate the problem.

 I don't know how I can say without offending anyone, that I just feel like a prisoner. 
that every thing is just a manipulated situation.

Imagine if you will, that everything around you is 100% manipulated, and that every where you go, someone is reporting to someone where you are.

that every time you walk down the street, someone just has to say something off cuff, thinking that there helping, or that there opinion is actually wanted.

 I'm not sure where to go from here, but when everyone feels like your biggest enemy, even though you know that it's not in its entirety a reality. Life is like a cruel and sick joke.

to be honest right now, if I had the choice, I would be riding up some insanely hard road on my bike, preferably with someone else who is just as stupid as I am.

that way I could share my insanity with someone else, without having to be here in this, apparently sick joke that feels repugnant. Unfortunately more that a few minutes with people, and the detest and distain for past experiences, exudes from every pore of my body. 

whilst simultaneously fighting the urge to participate in some Jeffrey dalmoujr type screen play.

I would like to be in my own room at my fathers place.

door closed heater on, candles and incense lit, singing bells playing.

with no one annoying me. 

[Ybother]

@HenryX 

Imagine if you will, the thought of waking up in the morning. For most people is, I imagine a feeling of bliss, arr another day of life.

my feeling of waking up, oh ?(;/ another day of this rubbish.

the sensation of opening my eyes is something resembling, the sensation of driving bamboo shoots underneath my nails.

one more day of feeling like a emotional and physical punching bag.

eyes burning from the sensation of being frozen by ice, lips chapped, and lungs charred by frostbite.

skin burns like ice, as if to capture the essence of the connection with people ( that's right fridged,with total lack of warmth).

As I lay pondering if the hands of the reaper could be so embracing, as I feel that even death would have more warmth as embracing as the spring air. Casting upon morning due amist seminal budding growth.

foliage eagerly awaited the cascade of energised quanta, revitalise and rejuvenate flora of the morning mist.

thou must truly feel a kin to the solidified ice entrapping the beauty of engorged valley loch, deep, sentile, stagnant, dark, and void of the presence of life.

[HenryX]

@Ybother 

Hi Artist

You have given a very clear indication of how you are feeling and your thoughts at this time.

Saying that you feel like a prisoner is certainly not offending to me. That sounds to me very clearly how I would feel if everything around me seemed to be manipulated. 'Talking' here on the forum, I hope, is different in that no-one knows you, and really no-one knows very much about me, except what I have said here on the forum. So I hope that, in this space, you can feel free to say what is on your mind.

When I am writing a comment or response to you, and other people here, I try to relate to what the person is telling me. I really do try not to make assumptions. I hope that I do connect, most of the time, with the person with whom I am talking. Obviously, being human, I do not always succeed, and so, sometimes I may not connect in the way that I would like, and I have to accept that.

Feeling that everyone around is an enemy would certainly feel very threatening, confronting and would cause me to be constantly alert to problems. Those feelings would make me feel extremely uncomfortable and exhausting.

Your fathers place sounds, from what you have said, is a safe place for you.

Best Wishes

HenryX

[Ybother]

Yes my fathers place was always a safe place.

unfortunately. I was tormented and abused when he wasn't there. So now it feels awful to me. Other than the fact I can shut the door and pretend no one is there.

but can someone please shoot that dog omg, give it a pat something, just shut it up, it's exactly why I like fish, quiet.

[Ybother]

@HenryX  Ps if you know someone looking for someone for a Tennent I really want out of this place,it's a manipulative joke 

[Ybother]

@Oaktree @HenryX @TideisTurning @@@Or anyone else blah blah.

next pay I'm out of here, the jokes over. It was over 5 years ago. 
how can people make film, radio programs ship things from all over the country and there be a lock down. It's just a grate bit joke. At my expense, 5 years iv lost over this joke. It's not good enough. Thanks for nothing 

[HenryX]

@Ybother 

Hi Artist

I share your sentiments about constantly barking dogs. It makes me wonder why people nearby don't say something to the neighbours if the owners are out and the dog keeps barking. If the owners are home, I don't know how they put up with the almost continuous barking of their own dog.

I know you have said that you are not happy where you are. I get the impression that you are living with, or close by to other people. Without being too specific (anonymity), can you say a little bit about why you feel uncomfortable where you are at the present time.

Cheers

HenryX

[Ybother]

@HenryX @Well I'm down the drain with money, all I get is what I'm doing wrong and where is my money. 
Now I have to wait until next pay just to get home. 
I'll just forget about the thousands of dollars this experience has cost. With absolutely nothing of any benefit other than paying for other people holiday.

[Ybother]

@HenryX 

People constantly laugh at me and tell me to (;)& off in the middle of the night. Pull up in the car park and tell me that basically to be nice about it you useless.

every time my house mate comes in I hear what im doing wrong, or were is my money.

if im not going to uni I can go places if I want to go to university I can't.

this needs to stop it's been going on for years.

all I wanted was some where I could feel safe and comfortable without being abused and bullied. 
apparently that is to hard to ask. 
I live in my bedroom almost 24/7 because of the way I was treated and now every time I try I get, your not good enough, you can't go to university, give up , ;$(:off. You don't want to work,your useless, your rape was a fantasy, ect ect 

this is my life not some fantasy of lies people.

I don't recall asking for anything like that in my life. Why would I choose to stay at home alone with no one to talk to unless I was abused.

it's disgusting, if I wasn't forced into that trip nothing would have gone wrong, snd I would still be happy 

[Ybother]

One of the worst things I've been hearing is oh your rape was a fantasy, what's a debate got to do with my fantasy, ect ect.

why would I spend 5 years in tears in my bedroom avoiding contact with people if I had been treated with respect?

it's all about me, I'm selfish, I don't think about anyone or anything else, oh that's why I spent almost 3 years next to my mother's grave talking to her because she was the only person I could talk to.

because I don't care about anyone, if I didn't care I wouldn't have been sleeping in my car next to her because I don't like the way people treat me, but my dead mother was all ears as she always was.

omg I'm so glad she was not here to see how I was treated . Heads wouldn't have rolled.

the drug pushing,alcohol pushing, nastiest baligarant, torment. 
there is a reason I live underground! The main stream high societies are so full of them selves with corrupt practices, the rest of the world is in tatters, talk about having no money but can afford to holiday in Queensland or walk around with $2500 hand bags, whilst talking about the price of lambs at sale, omg, that's a far cry from, I can't pay for my medication, I can't afford food, how the hell can I pay rego, half my teeth are missing and the other half are almost gone because of medical costs. While someone has porcelain vainers. 

come on we can just see why people are killing people for food, dying from sepsis, pyreah. The dental, mental, cardiac, gastric, and overall health of an individual are all interlinked.

tslk about having depression, when your home one day in every 14 because your to busy being everything to everyone, while I almost have a heart attack because I'm looking at living out of my cat again, just because it's just easier than dealing with crap like . Oh the god dam tea spoon has a bit of coffee stain because I'm not going to wash in 20 tom s a day. I'll wait until the day is finished.

oh iv vacuum the floors yesterday, but you better do it again because I'm just not good enough.

oh I unblocked you god dam drain so your bath dosn't flood. Or your toilet flushes probably.

got you mail, bring your plants in because they where getting belted by the whether, oh I never walked in your room while you where gone, for your privacy, even though I know you left the door open, because if I close it I would have been snooping.

oh someone was smoking pot in the place the other week, it sure as hell was not me. I don't smoke drink or anything.

I sit and cry about how people treat people, go to war for oil, lay waist to the innocent, you know who the real problem is. Us human beings, we are the lowest form of life that ever happened to walk and disfigur mother Gaya, yes that's right Gaya,  Mother Earth, it's not called father earth for a reason, the place would be dead!