SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member, had a visitor today,cwas actually good to have a clear table to sit them and clean cup 🙂

[utopia]

@Former-Member. I didn't notice any of that until you mentioned it. Lol. To me it looked like a nice tidy area

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Owlunar, @soul, anyone with something to offer. I'm not sure what to do. Plz read these tx msgs and make a suggestion:


To Mum (7am today)
Hi mum, bro said your getting pretty bad? do you want me to come down for a week or so?

Mum (5pm today)
Good R [bro] got D [dad] to the dentist today in pain they found multiple ulcers and gums growing over p-plate which they removed for now"

BabyBro (today 8pm)
"Hey Sis I think you should seriously think about coming down. Don't worry about what you can't read from mum she has asked me for more help I can't see me throwing away her stuff things like that. Anyway it would be great to see you and catch up you know that your always welcome. Don't worry about mum being secretive, she's distancing herself from everyone. She's stopped eating and I'm at a loss at what to do. She needs to eat and she's not eating. Anyway hate to dump on you in a way but I don't think the end is to far away. So think about coming down understand if you don't for any reason"

Should I drop everything and go? Then how do I leave? Can i offer much? Enough? Will I cope? What to do?

[Former-Member]

Is it my lot in life to watch everyone due?

[soul]

Your living area looks very cosy @Former-Member. Sounds like you have had a busy day. Any more inspections? 

What a cheeky cat! Hope he wasn't on his way to harass your birdies.

I am feeling somewhat better. Went out to dinner wth my daughter. Haven't responded to my sister yet - too hard basket for now. Have contacted my best friend for a catch up. 

[soul]

Just read your message @Former-Member about your Mum. I think you should go and see her. If you don't, you may have regrets. Does she live far away?

I wish I spent more time with my parents asking them things. Now it's too late. 

With your mother not eating. Has she been to a doctor lately? There are some high calorie supplements that she could take. My mother did as she was pretty skinny.

You would have to make a judgement when you are there as to what to do. Could be better informed by being on the spot. 

This is an added stress for you. Feeling your pain and despair. 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

There are things that happen naturally as a person nears the end of their life.

I lived interstate and was glad I made the trip to see my dad after his stroke and have no regrets that I wasn't there 'in time' to see him the day he died - I was there that night for my mum.

Perhaps this info might be of help to you.

http://hospicerrvblog.areavoices.com/2012/03/13/signs-that-death-is-near-a-caregivers-guide/

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member, I think you want to be there, but you are not wanting to be there when she passes. Is that right ?

I am guessing that she will pass into unconsciousness ahead of passing over Hon ..... so if you can go and be there while she is still able, and decide after that if you want to stay around, but maybe not right with her, when she is not communicative any more.

Take the space you need within the space, if you know what I mean ..... and everyone will understand, as your bro has clearly stated, if you need to come away, or take some time out.

Peace be with you ...... 🌷🌿💜💕💐

[Former-Member]

Thanks guys 💜💕 I have watched people die (health professional for decades), that doesn't worry me, well, maybe it will with family of cause.

What's hard with mum is knowing how much is real and how much is 'put on'

She's always cross with me that i'm not 'sympathetic' enough, hut I try to be positive andvknow too much to have the wool pulled over my eyes. She likes to manipulate, is highly suspicious, rven spiteful, then swings to tears and mystery. When i confronted her for going through my things last visit she just yelled at me to "F# Off !" which is hard to take when ya scrubbing their toilet & hosing poop off mats & sheets etc and driving them everywhere, every day, at the drop of a hat... ... 

The thing is, mum's still at home, goes to the shops every day, runs a household (kinda)... so its hard to know over the phone if she's just wanting more sympathy or deteriorating.

Mum won't answer when I ask health questions, though we did have a fair talk last week - she's coughing a lot which makes her vomit, but she refuses to let the drs do an endoscopy to see why "what's the point" she complains (re terminal cancer diagnosis). She's lost 25% body weight in 12months.

Guess I need to make a brief visit to assess things myself. Tell them my plan to sell up, come help them through this last stage - if they would like that? Mum may be ready to see she needs help now. So independent! (controlling). Dad just goes with the flow but gets much more public assistance being DVA, which mum resents. She's very ambivolent. Wants help but not...
My mental health is a concern around her. But I have this God given strength for my family from an early age and think i mght be OK.

Sorry just thinking out loud, do appreciate your input, thanks. Gotta go I guess (12hr drive). Would like to visit my son before then re losing his job & breaking his arm. And I have the birds which mum won't have in the house & my volunteer boss is struggling for staff...

 

[Former-Member]

The article was good @Former-Member but sounds more suited to someone already in care. Need to see her myself. Body language says a lot 💜

Kind of on a role trying yo downsize / sell up here, and enjoy my volunteer work & friends here. Hmm m