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You're right @Faith-and-Hope, shelve it for a day or two.
The neighbours cat, that keeps inviting herself in, was caught in my bathroom eyeing off the birds. She leaves with slow deliberate poise when I ralse on her. Makes me smile:)
Oh @Former-Member Sorry I have not posted to you much, lately, (have been overwhelmed with own stuff CATT team etc.) but this thread is fantastic. You are focussed and ticking off those jobs. WELL DONE.
The things here and there give it a homely look. There is huge value in that.
I read your post about the txtx and your mother. Straight away your last trip jumped into my mind. Tbh I was actually quite anxious for you with all that driving. I was so relieved you managed it. Maybe I am just projecting my fear and handicap re long distance driving, but please dont rush down if you think she has time. Going to the shops suggests she has some. Those last months can be slow, but I would listen more to health professinals re actual physical state and likelihood etc.than family members to make the when to go decision.
My sister generated heaps of unnecessary stress and I was so grateful to a social worker on palliative care site who called it straight re my sister's games and mother's real state of health.
YOu have put in the time and contact and know the score with her. Dont let it jeopardise your current plans or stress you in them. I am excited for your prospects and imagination in dreaming up options.
End of life issues are so tricky - physically - socially - emotionally - practically. WIth mothers and daughters it is not going to be easy.
I did think your your bro was trying to be responsible and supportive give you options but also defer a bit to your seniority. I know he can be difficult but there was something sweet in his txt.
The social worker told me she had seen it happen before where there is a ramping up of the urgency. I felt strain about not rushing over every day, but the sw was right and my mother was stable for 3 months longer when my sister was saying she would die any day.
I was fine with not visiting my brother again this year. I did the big trip with my son last year and had plenty of time to talk and good time for me and sadly my son just saw how self obssessed my brother was. I felt embarrassed that my son was caring and my brother did not get it. So I decided not to let son "put out any more for ungratefl people. With bro and I, we did so much over the phone this year in his last month. He was exhausted by face to face visitors anyway. He would have been exhausted by the stress of my travel. If I tried I might have had an accident. There is nothing to prove.
Try and get your home turf to a level where you can leave it quickly when needed.
WHo gives a toss about a sloppy joe on the chair. You go Girl.
I think you are BRAVE and INSPIRATIONAL @Former-Member. Glad you are thinking pro YOU and your life and activities and new friends.
Hi @Former-Member
I'm glad I found this post - I'm glad your youngest brother has let your know how things are with your parents
Your Dad does need better care - is that a partial denture he has because we are supposed to take those out and night and keep them very clean to make life easier for the teeth we still have and it sounds like it's something he needs help with - so yes - from this point things don't sound to good right now
About your mother though - you know she's far from well and the end might be coming - egad - I had the end is coming from my sister about my mother - and it was okay because Mum was in hospital - sister tried to lay a guilt trap on my not visiting Mum but it didn't work because I had written to my mother often. No answers
This is one hard scene - what to do? what to do?
I really care about this
My thought is that if you have the available cash then visit but don't stay at your parents home - if possible make it a brief trip - I know your cash flow can be a problem - how I wish I could help with that
It would be good for you to see how things are there for yourself - but care for yourself too -
I am so sorry that you have to go through this alone - it's hard to know what to say to your son about it - one thing I do know is that when it's our grandparents it is totally different to when it's our parents
Thinking of you are caring a whole lot Lapses
Dec
Hi @Former-Member
It seems as if you have been doing a lot and maybe the Baileys is helping a bit tonight
This seems like a really big moment in your life and yeah - your mother won't appreciate it but your dad does need help - cognitive impairment only continues and your mother can't accept that so it really is a case of elder abuse
I'm thinking of you and hoping you are the best you can be - remember your self-care - at times like this we need to assess what is best for ourselves first
Lots of gentle hugs
Dec
