embarrassed and hurt

[tyme]

Hey @sol_49 , 

Hugs back to you!

It's always great to hear your responses because you are so open and ready to make changes. When reading your posts, you can really see that you have an open mind to whatever is happening and I think this is what may get you over the line, even when things are most difficult.

Yeah, social media is a no no to me. It's not worth the tears. I've got better things to do with my life than live on my devices. After reading how tech giants earn money for every minute people spend browsing their content, it makes me feel erk and so many are falling into the trap without even knowing... 

For me, I feel if things are meant to be, then they are meant to me. If people want to be around me, then good on them. If not, good riddance. Maybe I'm conservative and old fashioned???? I don't know.

[sol_49]

Thanks @tyme that is quite a compliment - thank you.

I hope my open mind will help see me through because I am struggling again right now.
The blog person got back in touch and under my skin, and I opened up again. At the time I was swept away by all the attention (dopamine/connection) and thought maybe I was mistaken about his girlfriend.

Today was okay, but he disappeared again tonight, and I don't know why or what I am supposed to think.

I didn't get much sleep so I am too shattered to concentrate on anything productive like study, but I might work on my business perhaps to take my mind off this crap.

It feels like maybe he just wants to torture me.

I am so proud to hear that you have given up social media. Having better things to do sounds like a wonderful way to live. What kinds of things do you do in the evenings?

It doesn't sound conservative and old-fashioned to let people want to be around you. I wish I had that kind of strength.

It is funny because my blog friend might have said something about carving time away from the internet yesterday. It feels like a stretch to think that is what he is doing tonight, though.

And, I still feel like a fool.

I know one thing. Either way, I need to build a life that I love.

I hope you have a nice evening. 🙂

[tyme]

Yes, I love how you have framed it "I need to build a life that I love" @sol_49 . It's so true.

You are the author of your own story. If you don't like how it's going - change it.

I recognise it's easier said than done, but I believe that is it more than possible. We just need each other to do it.

When I look back, I never thought I'd be alive today. It was the words of a clinician that challenged me and made me change my story. 

I hope to connect with you more regularly. We can support each other 🙂

[sol_49]

Thanks @tyme

You are very kind. And I appreciate the idea that we could support each other. I hope I can support you in some way. Do you start threads of your own sometimes?

Right now I feel like I need help.
I tried to call the SANE helpline, but they were too busy to pick up.

The idea that if I don't like my life I need to make a change, is an inspiring one. I guess I just feel so powerless now. I am hooked in this relationship. I can't seem to ignore the statistics for more than a few hours at most, , , and then when he comes back as he always does, I am liable to get swept away with emotion. Then I open up about all sorts of things and share parts of my soul that I regret later. I get so vulnerable.

Then he disappears in the evenings to do whatever he goes to do, or I start to notice that I am being treated like crap, and the cycle repeats again.

I don't know how to get off this merry-go-round and I am getting weaker and weaker at trying, because every time I try, I fail, and give away more about myself to this person who I think may not even care about my feelings.

I kind of wonder if he is just screenshotting my words to laugh at with his friends. I never really got the sense that he liked me that much in the real world.

Perhaps what I really need is help. It is such a brave new world. I feel like I can't tell my friends about it because it sounds so DUMB, and therapists haven't got a whole heap of experience in our new world of online relationships.

I know I am not the only one who is suffering in one of these online relationships, , , but I sure feel powerless right now!!

Thanks for listening 🙂

[tyme]

Hey @sol_49 ,

I'm hearing you. You know what? You are not alone in having experienced an online relationship. There have been many people who have been through something similar.

Whilst you may be feeling low and unable to help yourself, this is the time we connect to people. For me, when I felt I absolutely couldn't do it, others simply had to carry me through. Our job is to surrender to this.

You are already reaching out here on the forums, and this is a great start.

When I was recovering, these forums played a huge part. @sol_49 

[sol_49]

Thanks @tyme !! Everything you say makes sense.

I had a lot of success engaging in forums when I was giving up cigarettes. So, I know how powerful they can be.

I haven’t dropped my blog today, because at the time I felt like I don’t have the strength to go round this loop again until I find help.

But one thing I did realise is that all this opening up and this vulnerability- it is on me.

I need to work on the part of me that is so trusting and open, I think. Because I can be quite reserved in person.

I don’t want to keep bothering you. And your post makes me wonder if I could have cut him off tonight.

I will succeed!

[tyme]

Nah, you're not bothering me. @sol_49 

No one can do the things that only you can do to help yourself.

The forums are to empower people to help themselves. Yet ultimately, the person needs to act.

We recognise this is not always easy, hence we are here to cheer each other on. 

I'll wait to hear how you go. 

[sol_49]

Thanks @tyme 

Like maybe I could write here when I am feeling the urge to write to him?

I do need something ‘bigger than me’ to put my faith in to.

Natalie Lue has written a few great books on online relationships and emotional unavailability. She suggested CoDA or Co dependants anonymous for people who struggle with these types of issues, and I think I will check that out.

[tyme]

That's a good idea @sol_49 . Give it a go. You can tell him anything you want. Let it all out.

I wonder if this is part of the grieving process?

[sol_49]

I don’t understand why one visit from you makes me want to open up so so much.

What is that all about?

…

thanks @tyme