Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[GoingInsAne]

• I’ll try keep this as short and straight to the point as possible. Thanks in advance for any help or response. 
  A little back story.. I met my sons father in 2018, he seemed perfect, almost to good to be true. I irresponsibly got pregnant too soon, in 2019,With not having met any of his family/friends. I told him I was pregnant and his first response was “get rid of it”. Anyway, at 7 months pregnant, I found out he had another girlfriend, whom they shared a nearly 1 year old child together. 
  He told her I was crazy and it wasn’t anything serious. She wanted answers, I wanted answers so I stuck around waiting for them, she did the same. He told me things I wanted to hear.. Somehow managed to suck me in and I was back with him. He had us both going, because he was still doing us dirty behind our backs. I didn’t want my son to grow up without a dad. I wanted my first pregnancy to be a “beautiful” and “wholesome” experience.
• I still haven’t gotten an explanation, a reason, a how or a sorry in regards to that whole saga. He has however told me that, if anything, the mother of his first child is the one who got hurt the most. But if I ever tried tried to bring it up, it got shut down and he would say things like “why are you still going on about that” 
• Since I gave birth to my son in 2020, I’ve been trying to leave him, I’ve told him numerous times I don’t want to be with him. Then he sucks me in somehow.
• Now I’m at my wits end. I’ve blocked him on everything, but then I feel guilty because I don’t want to stop my son from having a relationship with his dad. So I unblock his number, I try to keep it only focused on our son but he’ll make it personal every time. Says very derogatory and rude things. Then 2 minutes later act like nothing has happened. 
  
  
• This next part sounds terrible and is something I’ve been fighting with for a long time.. I don’t even know if he REALLY cares that much about our son. He’s never taken him for a sleep over, he took him out for 2 hours just the other day, just the two of them for the first time ever. He hardly shows affection towards my son, he hardly plays with him. I don’t know, am I expecting too much? I honestly don’t know anymore.. His priority seems to be me, personal attacks at me, asking when we can “root”, telling me that I’m probably just too busy getting a “root” from other boys. (I haven’t been intimate with anyone since him) But then I start to think, well he’s only acting like this because I left, if I just went and lived with him again, we could be a normal family.
• I’ve left a lot out but please, if anyone can help with some advice. Am I wrong for not wanting to be with him? How am I meant to co parent with someone like this? Am I the crazy one, I seriously am so confused after years of this 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @GoingInsAne thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story with the community here.

I'm sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this with your son's father. It sounds like a tough situation heartbreaking to hear about the lack of a relationship between father and son. You have demonstrated your strength and resilience in reaching out to your peers on the Forums. 

Have you contacted any support lines to talk about what you are going through? I will put a couple here that you might already know or might not: Home | 1800RESPECT & Parent Helpline | How Parentline Can Help You | Kids Helpline. I encourage you to talk with them if you feel it would be beneficial to work through this with people who specialise in relationships and parenting.

Also, there are some great places to connect with other Forums Members who might share similar situations. Please see this link to find out more: Looking for a space to connect with others? Find a... - SANE Forums

Thanks again for sharing!

Take care

RiveSeal 

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @GoingInsAne 

Your not crazy 

Your not stupid 

Your not doing things wrong. 

You are  amazing and sensitive

You are vulnerable 

What a beautiful place to be but it's scary to be like that because a lot of stupid people get aggressive when your like this. Because lots of people  only act on two feelings. 

Anger. 

Feeling powerful.

 I might have stuffed up those two emotions. I apologise.

Without any whatsoever judgement as I have down worse than you - 

Why don't you forgive yourself. 

Write your own like ..   bucket list for one year and 

Work on things you can control like 

Your budget 

Your relationship with yourself 

And son. 

My heart is with you. 

[tyme]

Hey @GoingInsAne ,

I'm sorry to hear this is happening.

Have you ever spoken to anyone about your rights?

I wonder if 1800RESPECT is a good start? Have you ever spoken to them?