Lived Experience Forum

[Gwynn]

I tried out a new exercise company, someone who’s recommended and qualified enough to understand what my disability means for exercise. 

Even though I told them that I have a lot of mental health issues, and that my goal at this point is just to get into things, and that I’ve been trained since before I can remember to not listen to my body and try to please allied health professionals, they didn’t understand that encouraging me to do my best was not helpful.

I’m also not confident about the extent that I’m understood to be the client of the service, not my carers/society at large. (Gwynn does exercises which means that Gwynn will need less help!)

Both of these things are innocuous of themselves, and something that most people would not really notice or find offensive, but the demands of the tests left me with passive intrusive thoughts about “not wanting to have a body any more” for the rest of the day and I went to bed early and woke up sad. My more sporty friends are surprised that I don’t find any form of exercise enjoyable, I am equally befuddled that people find moving their bodies to be fun. I don’t know how to explain the absolute crash and pit of despair I experienced after exercising. 

[tyme]

Awwww @Gwynn ,

I'm sorry this has happened. Sounds like it's been quite traumatic for you. 

And from what you've posted, it sounds like sometimes, people think they know how to help someone, but maybe they don't? 

Please do what's right for you. Do you think you will continue going to this exercise place?

[Gwynn]

I’m not sure how to get through to them that exercise for exercising’s sake is a mentally unsafe activity for me. (Walking to the library or mucking around the garden is fine, though.)

Everything they’ve been taught says that exercise is good for trauma, rather than exercise is an arena where I was made to perform irregardless of what I wanted or felt.

[Gwynn]

I guess that maybe the passive intrusive thoughts are maybe my anxiety going “hey you made me feel unsafe and then you made me move around for no reason and get sweaty, Gwynn, what in the actual heck was that about. Because you scared me, I’m going to scare you back and make sure you think twice before making me feel unsafe and move around when we didn’t even have to and then get sweaty and feel unsafe again”…

[jazz]

hey there just checking how you are travelling, it can be tough when those thoughts come in and get in the way. Here for general support if you need 🙂

[Gwynn]

I guess I’ll just tell them that I got really depressed after the tests, I was expecting tiredness, not depression. I’m worried that I’m going to feel similarly after a normal exercise session.