Lived Experience Forum

[scruffypuffball]

I just came across a new term I had not heard of before.  It is called Extinction Burst.  My whole family was at the receiving end of it from an abusive family member.  I started googling and came up with the following useful resources.  This is very useful to know.

The Grey Rock Method: A Technique for Handling Toxic Behavior (psychcentral.com)

Self-Isolation After Narcissistic Abuse: 4 Ways to Cope (psychcentral.com)

It's Not Normal. It's an Extinction Burst. (okdoomer.io)

BEHAVIORS: Extinction Bursts (bpdfamily.com)

I was going to put this in the Toolshed but it wasnt exactly a meme.

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[tyme]

Hey @scruffypuffball ...

I guess it provides answers to some of what has happened in the past? What do you think?

[KirSa_EnigmA]

This is really interesting. I'd never heard of the name before but I've certainly noticed it, in myself and others. 

Thanks for sharing, and great links too. 

~ K

[scruffypuffball]

@tymeyes definitely, it explains a lot.  My abuser would double down if i reacted.  when i stopped reacting i was concerned he would escalate but instead it stopped his behaviour.  You need to stop engaging.  He wanted the reaction like a troll on the internet.  He was obsessed with power.  But this was before the internet.  It happens on a societal scale as well as the okdoomer site explains.  It also helps to predict future behaviour as well.

It kind of reminds me of Jane Monkton's 8 steps to domestic homicide where she said when women escape from their abusers, in 80% of cases the relationship is over.  But in 20% of cases the man escalates to maintain control and proceeds to step 8 😥

I guess I was one of the lucky ones

ping @KirSa_EnigmA  @Patches59 

ping @Glisten - i forgot to tag you in my first post. more resources for you

[tyme]

So sad to hear that people find satisfaction from doing such things @scruffypuffball 

[Glisten]

Holy sh!t @scruffypuffball 

I thought self isolation was due to childhood trauma and having to deal with your emotions by yourself?

[Glisten]

It’s f&@ked @tyme. I know exactly what @scruffypuffball has experienced.

Narcissistic abuse is unique in that it is the same.

[scruffypuffball]

@Glisten @tyme @KirSa_EnigmA 

yep, i remember on twitter, they said narcissistic abusers are "predictably unpredictable and unpredictably predictable".  No two abusers are the same but they all have the same behavioral traits as the same parts of the brain are deficient.  (ie, deficient in higher emotional functions which include, conscience, empathy, impulse control, capacity for risk mitigation and morality).

Someone who does not posses those things would treat others as a transaction to exploit and discard.  Like Martha Stout said imagine if you could not feel love, you treat every human as a game to be played.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  you and I have experienced Fun-on-a-Bun Narcissist style.

Can’t wait until I respond to his lawyer.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  My ex-narcissist trying to mimic empathy is the strangest thing any normal person could imagine seeing. Funny to the point of frightening.