Hi Jacques,

Thank you for replying, despite your own situation. I remember 5 years of intense agoraphobia, wherein I would not leave my bedroom. Over time, I have come to see anxiety ( component of post-trauma stress)  for what it is- I think where people go wrong, is underestimating what anxiety can do. I thought i knew anxiety, but this spontaneous- sickly- and  severe anxiety that courses through your body, which is what has been happening to me lately, is unlike anything that has come before it. It is a sickly feeling of absolute dread.

These states of anxiety are completely overwhelming. Sometimes, I find myself unable to do anything but lay on a bed- with my hands clenched. It is heartbreaking to me that this is my truth. Even writing of it, I never foreseen enduring this kind thing in my life. 

For all the books, I have read, practice of spirituality, for all the knowledge, it has never truly set me free 
from this condition. The only thing that provides me any relief, is the belief that there are people who DO care. But that care has to extend beyond token effort. 

Learning to become a witness to your experience- and detaching from this aspect of yourself, has helped me too. "Cultivating the witness" . Think of this reality in terms of energy, and attention. Right now, what you are experiencing is a result of the attention and energy of fear that we are feeling within. That is why you are here.

Yet, as difficult as this is, there is beauty here- right here- in front you. In these words. Try to not judge this situation, just accept, this is where life is guiding you at this moment in time. Know, that this fear that has gripped your mind and heart, although is experienced as real-  is fear created out of baselessness. It is our limbic system malfunctioning.  

My heart goes out to you Jacques. Please, know, you are not alone. Please be gentle on yourself. Reach out. I must do the same myself. 

Non Judgement and surrender is how I am making it through. Like yourself, and others. We are people who did not anticipate these experiences in our lives.